5/22/23 5/22/23

Blog Importance of Friends

There are some people who avoid friendships. Maybe they’ve felt hurt or betrayed and don’t want to go through that hurt again. Others gather “friends” like so much confetti, but while they can boast about their many “friends,” most of these friends are scarcely more than acquaintances. Those who gather such friends feel the need to have attention or to feel superior to others. Real friends don’t fit either category.

I don’t know what we’d do without our friends. Yes, I have friends who I don’t know well and others I’ve known, it seems, forever. I have friends, like my brother and sister, who were not friends when we grew up. Like most siblings, we fought, we made up, got angry, let it go. Eventually, we accepted our differences and as we became adults, also became friends. We had each other’s back. Family makes very special friends because they know your background, share that history, and accept you anyway.

I have friends that hark back to my college days. These friends have stood the test of time. We’ve had disagreements, but we’ve learned to apologize and forgive. Both of which are critical to long-term friendships. We have friends we can call day or night and they will come. We have friends so close our kids sometimes thought they had two sets of parents because we spent so much time together and because we had no problem babysitting each other’s kids when necessary.

Over the years I discovered how much I need my friends. They encourage me. They confront me when needed—that takes a measure of courage, time, and trust. They support me and provide rides when needed, since I don’t drive.

But where do these long-term friendships come from? They develop when we let go new and old hurts, when we seek more than attention, more than a focus on “MY” needs. They develop when we reach out beyond ourselves to become the sort of friends we crave. To have friends, we have to start by being a friend. I am so glad that, over the years, I’ve taken the time and effort to build solid friendships.

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace." --1 Peter 4:8-10

Published column Kearney Hub 5/22/2023

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5/10/23 5/10/23

Blog It's the Little Things

Too many believe that if they don’t do world-shaking things, their life has no meaning. They seek confirmation from celebrities, political leaders, authors selling millions of books, and popular sports figures. Some even look at criminals that make a big media splash with their evil deeds. Some crave attention even if that attention may be negative, much like a toddler who requires the love and attention from parents and the adults around them. Often these attitudes continue into adulthood.

Many do not realize such attention they seek is not lasting. It evaporates like using yesterday’s newspaper for kindling. Those in the news today may be totally discredited tomorrow. Few are remembered after death or even before. What use then is gearing life to that big splash?

Think of those persons or circumstances that left the largest impression. It isn’t usually the distant celebrity. What matters is the phone call when you’re feeling depressed. It is the neighbor that clears your sidewalk without you asking. It is the stranger who sees you juggling too many groceries and reaches out to help, or a young child, that quietly picks up what you dropped or maybe brings you a cart. It is the hair cutter that comes to the home when a person, often elderly, is unable to go to the salon.

What truly makes a difference, isn’t the big splashes. It is the small things we do for one another that can change a person’s day or even their outlook on life. How much better to put time and energy into helping, reaching out in small ways? Struggling to get attention through that important job, through media attention for something you consider life-changing, may not have the impact of small things you can do for someone. You cannot feed the world, but you can bring an elderly neighbor a bag of groceries. You may not write the great American novel, but you can write a letter to the editor letting others know of needs in their church, school, and community.

Instead of focusing on the big things, why not focus on small ways you can impact your family, your neighbors, and strangers right where you live? You may not get media attention, but you may get a sincere thank you that does so much more. You will know the satisfaction of truly making a difference.

Column published Kearney Hub 5/9/2023

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4/12/23 4/12/23

Weather and Life

March is already zooming into April. It seems like the year has only begun, but it is already Spring. We’ve gone through the time change and life marches on. We haven’t seen too much of spring as though Winter is holding back the warmer weather.

Today is no exception. Even last night I heard the wind howling around the house. I heard sleet pelting the siding. Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment. Keith also picked up prescriptions and a few groceries. I am so glad we accomplished those things yesterday because today is no day to be out especially since I can’t hold my own against the wind.

My kids were elementary age when they realized the wind was dangerous for me. They had to hang onto me to keep me safe. They teased me that they should tie a rope around me and fly me like a kite. With the wind today, I wouldn’t dare go outside and I am glad to stay inside, warm, and safe.

Most of us can stay safe against the elements. What we can’t predict is the cold, winds, and sleet of life. Tragedy, illness, or other circumstances can derail our ordered lives. Suddenly we’re caught in the eddying winds that we can’t defy or escape. Our lives may spin out of control unless we already have an anchor.

If we have a solid anchor, we can hold on and not be whipped about by the winds of life. How we deal with the unexpected shows who we truly are. Do we complain, turn to hate or blame or do we realize life brings both good and bad? Do we turn inward or reach out to those around us who want to help and reach out to others who are also hurting?

I can deal with life’s circumstances if I have an anchor. For me, that isn’t wealth or family. It is my faith. God is bigger than my circumstances. God never said we wouldn’t have difficulties. He said He’d walk through them with us. I am glad I have an anchor and can hold when I lose loved ones or my heart wants to race away. No matter what, my anchor holds.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. –Isaiah 41:10 ESV

Column published Kearney Hub 4/11/2023

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3/8/23 3/8/23

Blog Making community a better place

Anger only simmers problems until they explode. Keeping track of supposed insults or ways you might have been dissed or slighted doesn’t solve any problem. And why assume the worst in those around us? Why not leave behind the negative assumptions and begin reaching out instead?

When it snowed, my contractor brother was paid by businesses to clear parking lots with his little caterpillar. He loved his little cat, but he did not stop with paid jobs. Keith would start clearing our sidewalks and Paul would come and clear the driveway and walks. He did the same for other friends and neighbors—including ours. We didn’t even know.

It wasn’t until Paul was gone we learned he sometimes cleared our neighbor’s drive and they didn’t know Paul was my brother. With health problems, Keith is unable to clear our drive and sidewalks any longer. However, our neighbors are taking the torch and clearing our walks. We are so blessed. When I called to thank them, they brought in supper. Talk about passing it on. They do.

A couple of years ago I went to get the paper at the front door. Only it wasn’t right at the door, but further away. I can’t bend down and usually simply kick it inside where I can use tongs to retrieve it. An elementary-aged boy was riding by on his bike. He saw me and the paper. In an instant, he was off his bike. He ran up, grabbed the paper and thrust it into my hands. Before I could stutter a thank you, he was riding away. He saw a need and responded, not expecting anything in return.

After we had our car accident in January that totaled our car and caused massive bruising on my left leg, I wouldn’t even have realized something was wrong but for our friend and nurse from a block away who decided to keep checking on me. She discovered the leg had gotten infected and made sure I sought medical intervention twice, since the first medication didn’t work. She continued to keep an eye out when I pulled several muscles due to circumstances.

Before I went to my yearly labs and wellness check, she strongly suggested I ask for an EKG. I did and it revealed a serious heart situation that ended up with me in the hospital for three days. Who knows what would have happened if someone hadn’t reached out.

How much better to focus on doing good instead of zeroing in on what others might have done wrong. Of course, to make this work we have to be able to learn to graciously accept as well as give of our time and efforts. This elevates the positive and gives us the satisfaction that getting angry and tearing down will never do.

Want to make your neighborhood, community, the world a better place? Look for opportunities to reach out, to lift up and serve. Pass it on.

Column published Kearney Hub 3/7/2023

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2/23/23 2/23/23

Blog Bio Cowboys, Horse, a different Dream

My dad often said as soon as I began to crawl, I’d head toward the nearest horse. When my folks went to the hospital to have my younger brother, I got to stay with a farm family who had a horse. At four years old, I thought I’d gone to heaven when they allowed me to ride. God was good.

In Clitheral Minnesota, we didn’t have a TV set, but I walked across the street to a friend’s house to watch westerns such as Roy Rogers and the Lone Ranger. I even had Roy Rogers paper dolls. (Not for me sissy girl paper dolls.) In Wisconsin, I had a longer walk to watch TV. I prayed for a horse of my own.

When Dad told us he’d taken a church in Wyoming, my older sister groaned. I couldn’t wait to go. The parsonage was across the street from the home of a friend who had his own horse, Rocket. Both Karin and I got to ride the paint horse with our friend. Rocket was a gentle ride unless you tried to force him into a trot when riding double. Then you’d find yourself on the ground—often on one of the many cactus patches. We still did it. (Kids don’t always do the smartest things.) Riding Rocket gave me experience.

Finally, when we moved to a country church in Northwest Kansas, I was able to get a retired show mare through the 4-H program. I took care of the horse. I rode the horse. The deal was that after breeding the chestnut mare, the resulting foal was mine to keep. Finally, in 7th grade, my dream came true. I had my own horse. God was indeed good.

Unfortunately, at about the same time I contracted Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. I spent the next ten years in a wheelchair rather than on a horse. However, having the horse, and having to plan how to train my foal, kept me motivated to live instead of quitting when I could see no future but pain and limitations. My thought went more to a question. “What are you thinking God?”

Eventually, we no longer lived where I could keep my horse. I agreed to sell my horse as a polo pony out East. I kept my horse interest by reading books—fiction and non-fiction with and about horses. I followed the Triple Crown. Secretariat’s story helped me as I dealt with massive reconstructive surgery and to finally walk again. If Secretariat could become a victor maybe I could as well.

When I began to write and sell books, many historical in nature, I could write with authenticity about horses. Though I really never rode horses after I got sick, my love motivated me, helped me through rough times, and assisted in my chosen career. I may not have become a jockey or a horsemaster, but I learned and grew and walked again, at least partly, because of my obsession with horses. I can’t help but smile. Guess God did know what He was doing after all. God is indeed good.

Hub column published 2/22/2023

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2/22/23 2/22/23

Choices today matter tomorrow

I woke up to a world of beautiful white snow as far as I can see—lawn, park, and school grounds on the other side of Collins Park. When I was a child, snow drew me outside to make snowmen and snow angels. This snow, though it didn’t appear real deep, did not tempt me.

Much of the day I hear something bang against the roof and windows—and it wasn’t soft fluffy snowflakes. What I heard on into the night was cold, hard sleet. The day before I heard warnings of what this storm was bringing. Though we were warned we might lose power, that, thankfully, did not happen.

As I look outside I am not tempted to go out. In fact, we’ll stay warm and safe inside. Though snow may tempt, sleet does not. This lovely snow hides something deadly. Under that particular snow is a coating of ice. With the overcast skies and temperatures, I doubt much will melt quickly, making this even more a potential for disastrous falls and accidents.

Life is often like our deceptive snow. What appears harmless may well cover up something that can alter a life forever—and not for the better. A small white lie can rebound into hurting you or someone else. Taking something, even a small, something can lead one into making negative choices. The truth is the more negative decisions one makes the easier it is to make the next bad choice. A man checks out porn and then more. He gets too cozy with another employee or friend, sharing things and feelings that should be shared with a spouse.

Dinner. Lying to a spouse. One step at a time and trust is broken, hearts are shattered, and marriage is destroyed with kids as collateral damage. Media and movies excuse such behavior, often mocking the sanctity of marriage. Even filling our minds with such negativity makes it easier to excuse bad and dishonest choices.

Instead of skirting the edges of disaster by giving in to temptation that appears beautiful and inviting, we can remind ourselves of the slippery path we’re choosing. We can strive to be honest and persons of integrity in all we do, think, and say. As making one wrong choice makes the next wrong easier, so choosing the path of integrity makes the next positive choice easier as well.

Faith can help us make those positive choices that lift up instead of destroying our lives, reputations and families. This year, what path will we choose?

Column published 2023 February 8

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2/16/23 2/16/23

Bio The Car Insurance Saga

It started with our car accident January 5th. When we got hit, I thought a bomb had gone off. Instead, a car hit us so hard it spun us around and then disappeared down the road. Thankfully, there were others nearby who assisted us as our minds were rather muddled. They called the police and an Allo truck pulled us out of the intersection.

Next, I knew an ambulance parked near and we were asked about going to ER. We did and were there for several hours. Thankfully, no broken bones, but lots of bruising. My left leg from knee to ankle looked like I’d been dragged ten miles on a bad road. Eventually, we were allowed to return home. Friends picked us up.

Of course, we contacted our car insurance company, and the saga began. They declared our car a total loss. It took some time, but we received a check and went to check out cars, ending up with a similar car, but a year earlier than our other one. (It also had very low mileage.)

All this happened in January and February first, the date of our car insurance renewal was coming up. Though the car had been totaled and Keith signed the title over to the insurance company, they kept sending us renewal notices listing both cars. No! No! NO!

Finally, after several phone calls, Keith thought he had that problem handled, and we looked for a corrected renewal notice. Not long thereafter, we received five envelopes from the Insurance company. I began to open them. The first listed both cars and insurance at twice what we’d been paying. Not again! I opened another that said if we were getting rid of a car to see it was taken off the insurance. Really? Like we hadn’t been trying.

The next letter I opened listed just one car and it was the correct one. The cards, too, were correct. Oh good. I could pay the insurance and move on. But wait, I still had two letters to open. The next one was set up, not as a total payment which we’ve always done, but as monthly payments. The total was off, and we wouldn’t be making monthly payments. The last letter held no cards but did have a cost for six months of insurance. The cost was much less than the letter that appeared to have the correct information. Ridiculous!

I called the local office and asked if the left hand knew what the right hand was doing. I laid out the information in the letters. Confused her, too. She said she’d get back to me. Late afternoon another agent did call me back. I gave her a synopsis of the problem. This time she was able to unscramble the problems and came back with a totally different cost, which she said was the correct cost for six months. I didn’t give her a chance to change her mind. I got a card and paid right then. An email confirmed the purchase.

I am thankful we are recovering from our injuries (but not until after dealing with an infection from my leg injury). I am thankful we were able to replace our car, and I am thankful for a local agent who could make sense of the mess made higher up by insurance agents in the company. We didn’t need this hassle and wished that ended the car insurance saga. But… the medical side of it meant lots more paperwork. The saga isn’t quite over, but it is slowing down at least. I’ll be thankful to move on.

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1/25/23 1/25/23

Good Time, Good Friends, Good Memories

Yes, the roads downtown are still bumpy with snow pack from our recent storm. What melts during the day turns to ice at night. Still, it was my 73rd birthday (is that possible!) and we wanted to celebrate at a restaurant downtown. The Alley Rose has no problem with my many and varied allergies.

Our waiter even recalled many of mine from our last visit with family in December. Also recalled what I ordered. Now that is quite the waiter!

Friends since college days, Jeff & Gloria Geiselman, treated us to supper at this nice restaurant. It was fun to meet and share food, fellowship, and the evening together. The atmosphere was subdued. No blaring music or loud voices. We could actually hear each other speak--even though hearing isn't what it once was.

Afterward, they helped us get to our car with leftovers and a more slippery sidewalk than when we arrived. Still, we got in the car safely. (I slipped and Jeff had to grab me and heft me onto the car seat.)

A simple night out with friends, not exactly. It was a time to celebrate not only my birthday but also a friendship that has lasted through time (since college), raising kids, celebrating our kid's marriages, and welcoming grandkids. It has been rejoicing together in good times and grieving together in times of loss.

Our friendship has grown over time. Good friendships do. I am thankful for dear friends who have our backs. Who lift up, not tear down and who encourage.

Right now, I am thankful I can store new precious memories in my heart.

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1/12/23 1/12/23

Holidays, finances, and time to reassess

We’ve just passed a season of celebrations. We roll right from Halloween to Thanksgiving to Christmas and on to New Year’s Eve. There are parties, decorations to go up, and presents to purchase. December’s budget becomes a horror film all on its own if we do not plan and use restraint on giving as well as travel, even food and lodging costs. By the time the season is over, and the New Year has begun, we can be rung out both physically and emotionally. And for what--so our kids, and/or grandkids can play with the boxes the expensive toys came in? What was the point?

Did we have time to actually talk to family members? Really enjoy our get-togethers? Who wants to look at the expenses we incurred when we open January’s mail? Yikes! Just whom did we think we were impressing? Maybe it is time to reassess priorities.

Holidays are wonderful and have such meaning. It is good to get together as families, to not only eat and fellowship, but also to consider our many blessings and give thanks. When we remember to give thanks, Thanksgiving lifts up instead of drains us.

As for next Christmas, do we have to participate in everything? In traveling, we can set boundaries considering what is best for the health and well-being of our family. Decide to stay home? Use Zoom to reach out to family and friends. As for presents, look at your budget. What can you truly afford? Nothing wrong with shopping discounts and dollar stores. Think about the likes and dislikes of those receiving the gifts. A well-thought-out gift, that doesn’t break the budget, is much better than some expensive do-dad the giver doesn’t even want.

Sometimes it takes more courage to say “No” than yes. As for Christmas, if you’re too busy to celebrate the true meaning of the season, you’ll miss the joy altogether. True joy is in celebrating Jesus who came to earth to bring new life, hope…and joy.

When Keith’s folks were alive and after the Scheidies family got much larger with spouses, kids, grandkids and great-grandkids scheduling was a nightmare. Keith’s mom made it much more simple. She designated the weekend after Thanksgiving as our time of celebration. This became our “Thankmas,” During that weekend we celebrated Thanksgiving,, Christmas, birthdays around that time, and any other special events in our lives. The pressure of trying to juggle different family celebrations became instead a joy of simply spending time together. You can use creativity in your celebrations.

Most of all remember celebrations aren’t about money, gifts or showing off. It is connecting with those we love. A good New Year’s resolution is to commit to going into the next holiday season with a plan, with a budget, and with a way to maximize our fellowship with one another.

A belated--Happy New Year!

Column published Kearney Hub 1/10/23

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12/31/22 12/31/22

New Year New or The Same old?

We look at the new year as a time to regroup, make better choices and change things about ourselves emotionally, intellectually, or physically. Whether or not the past year was overall positive or negative, we know this past year has been filled with things we should or should not have said or done. We are not perfect individuals, though often while we refuse to accept certain mistakes and choices from others, we very often make excuses for ourselves when we make the very same mistakes or choices.

We view the new year as a fresh slate, clean pages on which to write a different story—one in which we are better, brighter, more caring, or whatever changes we feel are needed. Many make resolutions to act better, eat better, exercise, lose weight, or some combination of ways we see we need to change. When we’re honest with ourselves, we know that such commitments seldom lasted before. Though sometimes we actually follow a resolution for a week, a month, or two.

Then we find ourselves falling back into old habits and patterns of behavior. We feel like failures and scramble to find excuses. What we hate to admit is that we cannot do everything ourselves. We can only do so much despite our determination and desire to be independent. Our culture wants us to believe most of us are “good people.” Yet if we’re honest and really search our lives, we know different.

Jesus didn’t come for “good people.” In fact, if you are “a good person,” you have no need of a Savior. Jesus came for those who acknowledge the truth. We are not good and tend more toward evil than righteousness. For those willing to admit that “All (this includes you and me) have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23) there is hope.

Jesus didn’t come for those puffed up with pride and arrogance or those who wish to be totally independent. He came for those who know they need help. “God commended His love toward us that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

The message of Christmas is a baby who left heaven to be born into a human body so that He might lead us back to a relationship with Him. Back to love and hope and peace. He lived a life of sacrifice and caring. He taught us about the consequences of our mistakes. Deliberate bad choices=sin.

He also gave His life for all the ways we mess up our lives and the lives of those around us. He was tortured and crucified not for anything wrong He’d done, but for the wrong we’ve done. By His death, He offered us life and by conquering death He lives to give us true freedom as we choose to let go of our independence and messed-up lives, allow Him to come in, clean us up and make us truly whole.

In the new year, we don’t need to make resolutions or try to do better all on our own. Jesus instead asks us to become fully devoted followers, which means turning toward and not away from Him when life doesn’t follow our plan or when we deal with pain or tragedy.

A follower doesn’t expect roses and sunshine all the time. Sometimes life is hard. Will we still follow? Will we continue to grow in the knowledge of the One, through prayer, God’s Word & circumstances, realizing He has a good plan for our lives as we follow no matter what—.not for perks—but because Jesus really is the only “Way, the truth and the life.” (John 14:6)

Are you a Christian in name only or are you ready to truly devote your life to He who created, knows, and loves you best?

Happy New Year!

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12/27/22 12/27/22

Ladies’ weekend and a surprise

On the first weekend of December, my sister Karin, her daughter (and my niece), as well as my daughter Cassie all came to Kearney. They rented an Airbnb for the weekend that became the hangout, not only for them, but also for my sister-in-law Lorene and for me.

Of course, we also included Keith in evening meals. Friday night found Alley Rose very sensitive to my food allergies, which the ladies all made sure were handled. They are very protective. Outside the weather was cold and windy, but inside the food was good as was the fellowship of family with laughter and catching up conversations. (There was even a dessert I could eat without worrying about a reaction.)

Saturday morning Keith dropped me off at the rental. Lorene arrived shortly afterward. Kelly made a breakfast casserole we shared with chatter, gentle teasing, plans and laughter. Kept talking as we moved to the living room area of their beautiful rental. It was good to be together. Family yes, but friends as well.

Later that morning niece Kelly said she had a little something for Lorene, Karin, and me for Christmas. What! Didn’t know we planned for gifts. True. The weekend was also for us to exchange Christmas gifts, but those were for our families. We do get together to exchange our packages, usually in York since Karin, her kids and their families live in Kansas. Meeting is more fun and not as much hassle as shipping all the gifts.

But those packages aren’t opened until Christmas when we each celebrate with our families. Kelly left the room and returned with three bags, one each for Karin, Lorene, and me. I was surprised and I could tell Karin had no clue as to what this might be.

We opened our bags to discover gorgeous quilts. Kelly had made us each a special quilt. What brought us to tears was what the quilts represented. Kelly had taken shirts my brother Paul wore and turned them into memorial quilts.

We exclaimed as we pointed out different shirts. “I remember that one!” What an amazing and thoughtful gift. I could see his wife Lorene wrapping herself in her quilt remembering Paul. Karin had no idea Kelly had been making those quilts.

Paul died of massive heart failure January 8, 2019. Somehow it suddenly didn’t seem that long ago. Now we have memorial blankets to remember him. There really were no words, though we tried. Yet, love doesn’t need words. Actions said it all. Lorene, Karin, and I hugged first Kelly then our blankets while Kelly and Cassie took pictures to preserve our new and precious memories of the weekend.

Lorene also passed out wonderful calendars as we considered getting together next year for another weekend together. In the evening, Keith joined us for pizza and games. A fitting end to a special weekend of love and laughter. Something to remember and celebrate in the coming year—the spirit of reaching out in love.

Published in Hub column 12/27/2022

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12/14/22 12/14/22

The sad story of Christmas Sweaters

***Photo by*** ***Cody Chan*** on ***Unsplash***

Christmas is a time of joy. It is a time for generosity and reaching out to those who don’t have as much as we might have. Most of all, it is the celebration of the coming to earth of the Savior who brought life and love to all who follow Him. This is the foundation of the celebration even with the addition of Santa Claus and other fun traditions.

New clothes were often part of Christmas for church and school Christmas programs and more. As Winter was part of the celebration for most, sweaters were an essential part of a person’s wardrobe. In the spirit of the season, many made or bought sweaters in Christmas colors of red and green. As time passed, many sweaters became more elaborate with stars and glitter, Christmas trees or ornaments—some facet of the season.

Individuals enjoyed these sweaters. The Christmas sweaters not only added practical warmth but also enhanced their enjoyment of the season. Wearing these sweaters made the wearer happy, even those sweaters that were a bit over-the-top with decorations. But then some decided to turn this fun tradition on its head. Instead of focusing on the fun and enjoyment of the sweaters, there were those, including celebrities, who began to make fun of Christmas sweaters, pointing out how ugly many of them really were. There were even ugly sweater parties and prizes for the ugliest sweater at other events and parties.

Many got into the “fun” of finding and wearing “Ugly” sweaters. But in a season and a holiday meant to lift up and bring joy, this trend has had another less-than-joyful result. Those who used to feel joy in their Christmas sweaters now need to be ready to be teased or insulted when wearing what once made them happy. They can take the teasing, pretending it doesn’t bother them, or they can leave that sweater in the closet.

How we approach something does matter. Why are we so quick to get on the bandwagon for the trend that can be long-term hurtful and creates fission in a holiday that should welcome fun sweaters, without making fun? Too many are ashamed or, at least, uncomfortable wearing Christmas sweaters these days, even ones that are fairly mild in coloring and decoration.

Maybe we all need to think about getting decked out in our sweaters, be joyful as we celebrate the season, and begin a new trend—feeling good about a warm sweater in Christmas colors that makes us happy.

Published as Hub Column: Sad story about sweaters

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12/8/22 12/8/22

Gossip: No Need to Pass it On

I was raised not to spread “gossip.” It is so easy to spread the latest tidbit of someone we know. There is almost a wicked deliciousness of passing the rumors of the moral, the failures, or other not-so-good circumstances of someone else.

Of course, when we realize gossip, and rumors—true or not—have been shared about our own circumstances, we feel embarrassed, angry, and betrayed. Yet our own conversations don’t seem that harmful. We lower our voices to catch the attention of our groups, feeling good because we are the focus. “Have you heard about….?” Then proceed to share what we know or think we know, usually without checking our sources to confirm the truth about what we’re passing on. Of course, that tidbit will continue to be passed on, and, if not true, can cause someone hurt, loss of friendships, or worse.

Prayer groups can end up being gossip sessions. In the name of seeking prayer, we may lay out the whole scenario. I’ve known friends who’ve been very hurt when that person shared something confidential with a good friend only to have that individual share it with her prayer group—without permission. In a flash, the whole church knew of the situation. Never again would my friend trust that other person and a friendship would never quite be the same.

Recently acquaintances were starting to ask questions about a person who seemed to have dropped out of our lives. At a small gathering geared for fun and fellowship, someone asked the hostess, who might know if anyone did, about this individual. I could tell from the tone, the women had serious concerns. The room went dead silent, telling me the questioner wasn’t the only one concerned.

The hostess cleared her throat. She could have laid out what she knew. Instead, she spoke quietly “Make it a matter of prayer.” That was all we needed to know. We could pray. No need to spread gossip. Why do any of us need to lay it all out? After all, God knows the situation and we can pray and leave the situation in His hands. Why can’t we all handle those situations so diplomatically?

I think I’ll follow this pattern. Instead of passing on all the details, I will simply pray. If someone craves more details, I’ll simply direct them to pray as well. How much better our lives and our relationships would be if we learned to check the information we hear and not pass on more than necessary and keep our mouths zipped as we bow instead to lift up the person and/or situation to the One who already knows and can do something about it.

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends. --Proverbs 16:28 NIV

A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. --Proverbs 11:13 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. --Ephesians 4:29

If I want to stop gossip, it has to start with how I handle sensitive information. Time I zip the lip and bow my head instead. That is true caring.

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11/30/22 11/30/22

If it isn’t your work, ask before using

Most of us who write, also like to read. When reading, we find quotes, information, and facts that inform and inspire us. Sometimes we keep that information handy or even memorize a favorite passage. Most authors enjoy knowing what they write inspires someone. I know getting an email or phone call about one of my columns or books is an encouragement, and better than having someone tear what I wrote or my point-of-view to shreds—which has also happened.

Earlier this year, I received a book in the mail. The book was about health and fitness. I hadn’t ordered it, though it looked interesting. I used to receive unsolicited books all the time when I was a book reviewer. But I hadn’t been in that business for ten years or more.

I thumbed through the book. As I did so, I came across a quote from one of my books The God Connection. The author made clear the passage inspired her, thus her use of it in her own book. It was even correctly listed in her bibliography. I’m sure the author believed I’d be excited to have my quote in her book. My response was more complicated than that.

There is a line between enjoying a piece of material, being inspired, and then using the quote in something the author has written and is offering for sale to others. I’ve used quotes from any number of authors, especially in my book Help! I’m a New Mother. However, for every quote, every piece of material used, I contacted the authors for permission. I used nothing for which I wasn’t given specific permission.

That is the point. Writing isn’t a hobby for me. It has been my career. This means I want a say in where and when my material is used. Once something is written, it belongs solely to the author. The author can give or sell some or all rights for publication purposes, but it is the author’s choice of what, when and how.

What the author of the book in which she used my material without permission didn’t realize is that in using my material without my permission, she wasn’t giving me a compliment, she was in essence and legally stealing from me. This goes for photos and graphics as well as text. In this easy-access internet world, it is often simple to cut and paste a quote online into something a person is writing. That doesn’t make it legal or right.

Whether you are writing a book, feature, story, or blog, think before using the material from an author or artist, or photographer. Would you like your work used in ways you may not even agree with? It can even lead to that creator losing rights to their own work.

My advice to budding authors is to work hard and learn your craft. Also, learn and abide by legal rights accorded you and other creators. Most of all, if you wish to use another creator’s material, PLEASE ask, and receive permission. We all benefit from basic courtesy.

Published Kearney Hub 11/29/2022

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11/29/22 11/29/22

Bio First Real Snow

Unsplash: ***Martina De Marchena@letstakeapicture***

During the night the wind howled. We woke up to a thin covering of snow on the ground this morning. It is not only cold outside, it looks and feels cold even inside. Part of that is knowing what cold feels like. After all, I was born in Minnesota and lived my first few years in Canada, Minnesota, and Wisconsin. These places had very long winters with deep snow and short summers with lots of irritating mosquitoes.

My sister’s birthday is in September. She was always disappointed if the first snow didn’t hit before her birthday. Karin loves snow. She wasn’t happy when we moved to eastern Wyoming where there wasn’t much snow. To her horror, we didn’t even always have snow for Christmas. When we did have a good amount of snow, it didn’t stay. Warm chinook winds swept down and melted the snow away. Which was OK by me.

It’s not that I minded the snow. I liked having some around in the Winter. I didn’t like having to bundle up in heavy coat, mittens, hat, and scarf, not to mention boots. I could scarcely move all bundled up. I did enjoy sledding down steep hills, creating snowpersons, and lying down to make snow angels.

I like the layer of snow we have today. It will be gone soon. But when real deep snow comes, I’ll leave playing in it, even walking in it, up to the younger set. I’m not the fan of snow my sister is, but I can enjoy it from behind my large front window. Then I am thankful I can stay unbundled, inside—and warm.

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11/17/22 11/17/22

Don’t spend the holidays alone—reach out

Temperatures are cooling outside. Getting downright cold in the mornings. Fall has sneaked up on us. Winter is not far behind. With the change in seasons to fall and, soon, winter, we turn our thoughts to family gatherings.

The Scheidies family likes getting together, though that was much simpler when there were fewer of us. Now we have siblings—my husband Keith and his brothers and sister, kids, grandkids, and even great-grandkids. It makes for quite a household when we gather together at the family farm near Minden. Of course, on the farm, when it isn’t too cold, kids can play outside with uncles giving rides on the four-wheeler or even on a burro. We have found we have more room at the Mitzi Pavilion at Yanney Park. We do both—gather at the farm Saturday night. and gather someplace in Kearney, often the Pavilion, for Sunday morning brunch.

My family is much smaller, and we are more far-flung so don’t get together as often. Still, my sister-in-law lives a few blocks south of us in Kearney, and my sister, her kids, and grandkids live in Kansas. Other relatives live in Minnesota, California, and other places.

Even so, sometimes Keith and I find ourselves alone for some holidays as our kids have other relatives and plans. We often include my brother Paul’s widow. In fact, we sometimes invite friends over to play board games and offer snacks for supper.

I know Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve are difficult times to be alone. This may happen when someone has no family left or family too far away. Sometimes, in the case of our daughter, every other year it is her husband’s family year to have them for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Holidays can get lonely, and it is easy to slide into feeling bad and depressed.

But we don’t have to turn joyful holidays into times of sadness. One couple I know planned holidays around those who would otherwise spend holidays alone. They’d invite these individuals home and hold a regular feast.

We all have friends, acquaintances, and even family who might be alone. We can change that. We don’t have to be depressed and lonely. We can reach out to others who, for whatever reason, are spending a holiday alone. Might be a neighbor, someone from church, a family member or friend. Make an effort to reach out. Invite them to your house or make plans to meet at a restaurant. Is someone not in good health? Take them a meal and stay to visit for a while.

By looking beyond ourselves we find fulfillment and the very joy of the holiday as we reach out, deepen, or make new friendships. Thinking of others helps us take the focus off ourselves and helps us realize how blessed we truly are.

Don’t spend the holidays alone—reach out.

Kearney Hub column published 11/16/22

11/8/22 11/8/22

Blog Bio I said “No!” to repainting the walls

***Photo by*** ***JOSHUA COLEMAN*** on ***Unsplash***

As I sit at the dining table with my laptop, I look up at the walls. From here I can see parts of the kitchen, hall, and living room walls. While I have an office, I prefer working here where I can look out the window at the park and not feel closed in.

A while ago my sister was helping me decorate and said she’d be glad to repaint the walls. I shook my head, “No!” I’m not ready to change my walls. While faux painting might not be the latest fashion any longer, I love my walls. Looking at these walls brings back many positive memories.

When the walls were painted, our kids were teens and didn’t need all that much supervision. We also were headed out to a Fredrickson Family Reunion in Northern Minnesota. In fact, we took over the whole resort for the week. It was a wonderful week of food, family, boating, swimming, games, and, of course, shopping.

While we were gone, our friends made plans. Paul, the PA for my orthopedist, and Paul’s wife were both close friends. At that time, we had a circle of close friends. Since I would be coming home for surgery in the near future, which would keep me housebound for a while, our friends decided our house could use a makeover. While we were gone, they cleaned did some minor repairs, and sponge-painted the walls, and, from what they said later, had a fun time doing so. Our friends had planned to finish up and put everything back before we arrived home.

We had no idea our friends planned to do this. We also had planned to take our time coming home, breaking up the fifteen-hour drive into two days. But, once we got on the road, we didn’t want to stop. All we wanted to do was be home. We took food and other breaks, but we didn’t stop for the night.

It was late by the time we arrived home. I think our son Chris took the key and opened the front door. We followed him in. We stared at our house. Remember furniture hadn’t been put back in place as yet. In confusion, we backed out again and checked our address. Was this our house? Yes, it was. Entering again, we stared at all that had been accomplished that week. It felt like a new house.

How could we even begin to thank our friends for all they’d done for us? We couldn’t, but we could give thanks and accept the blessing they’d provided. Our friends were so excited to see our response. No, I am not ready to repaint my walls. I may have those memories stored inside my heart but seeing them every day also reminds me to give thanks for friends and their willingness to take their time and effort—and money—to redo our home.

Despite the hurts and sorrows of life, we can look up and be thankful when we take time to remember those walls in our lives and count our blessings.

Published in Kearney Hub as my column 11/08/2022

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10/28/22 10/28/22

Blog Bio Bills, IRS and frustration

Ever dealt with the IRS, Social Security, or Medicare departments? We certainly have.

When my husband Keith retired, he had factors in his retirement that didn’t fit the stock-in-trade answers, forms or help from Social Security and Medicare. Going online was useless. Calling wasn’t much better. We needed to speak with a real live person. Like that was simple. Finding the right number was not easy. We’d call and get rerouted until we cycled back to the beginning. That worked well! (Heavy sarcasm.)

Find another number. “There is a high volume of calls. Please leave your phone number and we will return your call.” Or maybe not. Wait. Wait. Wait. Don’t start any big project. Wait. Wait. Wait. Call back. Is this a bad joke?

Try staying on the line. Forty-five to an hour or more later, and if you are not disconnected, someone might answer your call. I don’t know how many times we tried to contact the right agent to no avail. If we did get through, the agent didn’t have a clue how to deal with our particular need. “Call your local office,” we were told. For us in Kearney, that means Grand Island. I found a couple of numbers. Calling GI wasn’t any more available than the national office.

Time was running out. We got in the car and drove to GI early in the morning so we could be one of the first in line. Face-to-face, we did get help with our unusual situation. Certainly, didn’t want to deal with that again.

Several years later. When Keith’s dad died, we received an inheritance. We did have to make a payment, which we did, though it was a little late. That was last January. I have a printout of the canceled check. In September this year, we received two bills for interest. It wasn’t that much, but we each received a bill, though we file jointly. We had paid everything asked of us so why the bill? It made no sense. I wondered if it was some sort of scam. Our daughter checked and it was legitimate, but was it a mistake? Were they charging interest on money already paid in full?

We needed to contact the IRS for answers. I checked the website. Less than no help. I called. “High volume. Please call back tomorrow.”

I gritted my teeth. Where could I go for answers? Oh, but we had a meeting with our financial advisor scheduled. I brought him the documents. He looked things over and first said they sent each of us a bill for interest, but there was only one charge. He suggested sending back both bills with one check—especially since only Keith’s social security number was on both. He explained what might have happened.

It doesn’t answer why we were charged some of that interest AFTER the check went through. I followed our advisor’s suggestions, but I added a synopsis of the amended return and a copy of the processed check along with a note. Now we wait and hope we never hear about this again. If not—I might have to try and make another call. I do wonder why we have to fund such an inefficient government when so much of our taxes are spent on things that do not benefit the hard-working citizens who have to pay for this government’s out-of-control spending.

Time to vote in those who don’t just talk, but actually start budgeting and spending money wisely.

Kearney Hub column published 10/22/2022

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10/25/22 10/25/22

Blog Bio October is all about the spooky.

During this October season, stores are filled with skeletons, monsters, demonic characters, witches, and more. These items displayed in stores and catalogs are available for decorating home or yard. Costumes follow the same pattern.

We are encouraged to participate in this holiday which grows in importance every year. It is also the one holiday we celebrate that does not lift up. This holiday actually celebrates all that is dark, pagan, demonic, and evil.

The title Halloween comes from an attempt hundreds of years ago to redeem this celebration of all things evil. The church tried to turn attention away from paganism to Christian saints calling it All Hallows Eve—which has become Halloween. Such a move was only partially successful.

When I was a child, this holiday was not a big economic boon for markets. It was more of a fun night to dress up in homemade costumes, I was usually a hobo. My friends and I went house to house and gathered a bucket load of candy. You could only find a few Halloween items in the stores that were more focused on fall harvest than Halloween.

There were always pumpkins—usually from someone’s garden. No expensive costumes. As years passed, this holiday became more pronounced—and more dangerous. Part of the blame is from a culture turning away from the light of Christ, part from horror books and movies available.

The question for Christ-followers is—how do we deal with this celebration of darkness? Do we participate along with everyone else, or do we use the holiday to celebrate light? In the past, I’ve handed out candy, pencils, colorful bookmarks, and tracts about Jesus. Some hold parties with fun costumes that do not hark back to darkness and monsters. Churches have done something similar. Jesus calls us to be lights in the darkness. How will we be His light this Halloween?

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10/14/22 10/14/22

Blog Kinsey and the sexual assault on kids in schools & libraries

At one time the Kinsey report was considered the last word in human sexuality. Yet, years ago the report was revealed to be a fraud. It was anything but scientific.

What I hadn’t realized was the depth of evil Kinsey and his cohorts stooped to. I knew the report was skewed because he used prison inmates in the study of normal/average experiences and responses. I didn’t realize the horrors children, even babies suffered.

Kinsey reported children experience orgasms from birth. He reported orgasms in children. He actually used pedophiles to rape young children—repeatedly. These men were taught how to write up the results of these rapes in scientific terms. Of course, they reported the children enjoyed the experience.

Kinsey used these so-called findings to fight for laws that released these predators with a slap on the wrist. He said sexual molestation of children actually helped their sexual development and the problem was not the rapist predators, but parents and police trying to protect the children.

What was not asked was his definition of orgasm in children. Now we know. He said it was when these kids cried, screamed, and tried to get away from their partners (read rapists). Some even went into convulsions. He called these orgasms. Any sane person would call these children tortured, traumatized who were trying to escape a horrific situation.

Worse. These predators were allowed to assault not only children but also babies. Yes, babies. It’s all in his charts. Over a full day a four-month, that’s right a four-month-old baby was repeatedly assaulted. So-called orgasms were numerous leaving little time for this infant to have time to sleep or eat. Consider the body of a four-month-old and the repeated invasions from an adult male. Think of the enormous pain and, most likely, physical damage done.

These kids were subjected to graphic portrayals of sex. It makes me think of the books many school and public libraries are offering young children today.

Kinsey was a monster who did a lot to convince state governments to soften laws of protection of women and children. He lied and we’re still picking up the pieces that began with his horror show of the repeated rape and assault of helpless children. And he had the audacity to declare these screaming children enjoyed it.

Where were parents, protection for these kids? We know graphic depictions are used by pedophiles to groom children for sexual assault. I have to wonder about school officials, teachers, and even pastors who are fighting to get this material into our schools and available to kids. Are they simply a modern version of Kinsey? Pretty frightening. Are we going to allow Kinsey’s evil to continue to assault our children? Or will we stand up and insist such material has no place in our schools?

Kinsey destroyed the innocence of hundreds of kids. Are we going to protect our own now or allow public schools and libraries to destroy the innocence of our children by allowing pornographic material that grooms our children for sexual assault?

It starts with doing our own research, being involved in what our children and grandchildren are being taught, and what they are reading or being shown in media presentations. It is also important to vote for school boards and others in authority who truly care about our kids. What will you do?

I recommend watching Kinsey Syndrome.

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