Blog Making community a better place

Anger only simmers problems until they explode. Keeping track of supposed insults or ways you might have been dissed or slighted doesn’t solve any problem. And why assume the worst in those around us? Why not leave behind the negative assumptions and begin reaching out instead?

When it snowed, my contractor brother was paid by businesses to clear parking lots with his little caterpillar. He loved his little cat, but he did not stop with paid jobs. Keith would start clearing our sidewalks and Paul would come and clear the driveway and walks. He did the same for other friends and neighbors—including ours. We didn’t even know.

It wasn’t until Paul was gone we learned he sometimes cleared our neighbor’s drive and they didn’t know Paul was my brother. With health problems, Keith is unable to clear our drive and sidewalks any longer. However, our neighbors are taking the torch and clearing our walks. We are so blessed. When I called to thank them, they brought in supper. Talk about passing it on. They do.

A couple of years ago I went to get the paper at the front door. Only it wasn’t right at the door, but further away. I can’t bend down and usually simply kick it inside where I can use tongs to retrieve it. An elementary-aged boy was riding by on his bike. He saw me and the paper. In an instant, he was off his bike. He ran up, grabbed the paper and thrust it into my hands. Before I could stutter a thank you, he was riding away. He saw a need and responded, not expecting anything in return.

After we had our car accident in January that totaled our car and caused massive bruising on my left leg, I wouldn’t even have realized something was wrong but for our friend and nurse from a block away who decided to keep checking on me. She discovered the leg had gotten infected and made sure I sought medical intervention twice, since the first medication didn’t work. She continued to keep an eye out when I pulled several muscles due to circumstances.

Before I went to my yearly labs and wellness check, she strongly suggested I ask for an EKG. I did and it revealed a serious heart situation that ended up with me in the hospital for three days. Who knows what would have happened if someone hadn’t reached out.

How much better to focus on doing good instead of zeroing in on what others might have done wrong. Of course, to make this work we have to be able to learn to graciously accept as well as give of our time and efforts. This elevates the positive and gives us the satisfaction that getting angry and tearing down will never do.

Want to make your neighborhood, community, the world a better place? Look for opportunities to reach out, to lift up and serve. Pass it on.

© 2023 Carolyn R Scheidies

Column published Kearney Hub 3/7/2023

Feel free to share

Blog Biographical The Secret Helper and a Lesson in quiet Generosity

This happened when our two children were still very young. They grew up knowing Mom might be laid up with another surgery, often a joint replacement surgery, that entailed months of recuperation.

Before my 3rd knee revision, Martha's* name and face scarcely registered. I expected the operation to be quick and fairly straightforward. After all, I'd been through this type of surgery several times to repair the damage done to my joints due to Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Instead, I ended up with a splint holding my leg straight for two months. Weak and easily tired, I realized getting back to normal was going to take a while. After I returned home from the hospital, Martha brought over a delicious chicken casserole.

"Cooking is not my thing,” she apologized. “I'd much rather clean and do housework. If you ever need help, give me a call."

Many times in the next weeks I thought of picking up the phone, but pride held me back. I hated asking for help. Sunday after Sunday Martha asked my husband how I was doing, adding, "Have your wife give me a call."

One day the house, my continued weakness, and my frustration became too much even for my stubborn pride. I couldn't keep up with the many household tasks required with two young children in the house. Hesitantly, I called Martha.

The very next morning she brought over her heavy-duty vacuum and a will to work. Within a short time, she turned my disaster area into a livable house again. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I thanked her--profusely.

It didn't end there. A few days later, she returned carrying two baskets. Giving them to my then two and four-year-old she said, “These are for your toys.” She added a toy to each as an incentive. Then she cleaned my house again.

When dinner hour approached, Martha endeared herself to my children (and to their harried mother) by ordering a fast food meal for us. Martha's generosity and willingness to serve put me to shame. When I tried to pay her, she shook her head. "I'm not interested in money," she said. "Just promise one thing."

"Sure. What?""

Don't tell anyone what I've done." She hesitated. "This is one of those things my left hand is doing that I don't want my right hand to know about."

Smiling, she added, "Pass it on...just pass it on."

While I could not thank Martha publicly for all she'd done to encourage me during a lonely, frustrating time, I could do what she asked. And I do. Whenever I get the opportunity, I try to be a "Martha" to someone else who needs a secret or not-so-secret helper.

(c) 2001, 2020 By Carolyn R. Scheidies
*The name Martha is a pseudonym.

A version of this article first appeared in the now defunct magazine THE WITNESS, Summer 1987.
Feel free to share