Blog Before speaking, remember “soft” words

We used to live in a culture that tolerated, sometimes even encouraged diverse points of view. This respect for one another and for other points of view has eroded into “If you don’t think speak, believe as I do, you are dangerous and must be shut down and stopped.”

This is especially prevalent with those seeking to tear down basic American values and structure. A girl at a family pizza place is asked her opinion and, because it was not a liberal point of view, the word went out and social media blew up in hate that shut down a restaurant run by a family that needed the income to support their family. Thankfully word of the situation got out and decent Americans began going to the restaurant and contributing enough to keep the place in business.

Those who did not like President Trump forced many who worked in his administration to be hounded, hassled, and assaulted in restaurants and other establishments. In many places, police are assaulted and even murdered because hatred has replaced decency, tolerance, and respect.

More and more seek violent solutions rather than peaceful ones. Emotion has replaced thought or consideration of consequences. There are better ways of dealing with disagreements than the BLM chant calling cops “pigs” and calling for them to be “fried like bacon.”

Hatred leads not to resolution but to violence and a corresponding response of violence. It is a cycle that grows more violent and evil. There is another way.

Florence Nightingale changed the nursing profession and garnered respect, but not with violence or disrespect. She was sent with nurses into a war Britain was fighting. The doctors wanted nothing to do with them, but Florence and her nurses quietly tended wounded soldiers and made such a difference, they gained first respect and then the cooperation of the doctors.

Martin Luther King could easily have advocated for violence. Horrible things were done to his people. They were mistreated in shameful ways. Yet King kept working toward reconciliation, worked toward the rights of all races to be treated fairly and with respect. He made a difference, cooling violence and showing Americans a better way.

The path of peace starts by using every peaceful and lawful way possible. It means changing hearts and minds, often one-on-one, with truth, information, and genuine concern—including changing laws as necessary.

Scripture advocates for personal behavior and responsibility. Romans 12:21, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” You could add hate to this. Yet love and good are ultimately stronger than hate and evil, which does nothing but tear down and destroy. The more hate and evil is catered to, the worse the situation becomes.

Change doesn’t start with someone else. It starts with you and me. It starts with letting go of anger, revenge, and hate. It starts as Proverbs 15:1 states, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.” How does this play out?

We're furious. We respond and the incident escalates. But what if when we're furious, we think before we speak or act? If what we say does not accuse or add fuel to the fire, most likely, the situation de-escalates, and we can deal rationally with the situation.

Though we live in a vengeful, payback, culture, we don't have to feed into that philosophy. It is not God's way. Want peace? Stand up for truth, yes. But, start by thinking before speaking, writing, texting and speak “soft” words to defuse.

Can you think of a better resolution for the new year than to seek peace and pursue it in our lives, families, and to those around us? May God’s love lead to His peace in our hearts, our behavior, and our world.

© 2022 Carolyn R Scheidies
Kearney Hub column 01/03/2022
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Blog Winning friends, influencing people and respect

We live in a culture that has lost one of the strengths of America. That used to be the right to the free exchange of ideas. We listened to ideas different from our own and we learned from one another, even if we basically held the same opinion as before.

Today we live in a culture that spends way too much looking for, finding, even manufacturing reasons to be offended. We’ve made name-calling a first response along with anger that almost automatically engenders a negative response.

This desire to hurt others who offend us all too often and without provocation, uses the race card, physical harm, or trashing someone’s reputation or job simply because a person might say or write something not fitting the current politically correct fad.

People from all walks of life are losing jobs and suffering insults because of something that surfaces. Whether true or not, one person may pick up on one aspect of something communicated, chooses to be offended and targets the person through the media. They gathers others to the cause until employers are intimidated and a person, who might be perfectly innocent or who stated something awkwardly, loses a job that may well support a family. This has a name—bullying. Too many in our society have become bullies. Are you one?

Why do we think we need to trash a person personally simply because we don’t like what they said or wrote? Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Also, on many issues, there are often more than one legitimate side, backed up by “experts.”

Whatever happened to self-control, reading without blowing a gasket and considering another side—without anger and without the desire to lash out?

Those who really wish to change someone’s perspective need to realize response matters. No matter how “off the wall” you may think someone might be, that person is a human of worth. That person probably has family and friends who care and may well respond in kind on behalf of a family member or friend who gets trashed in public forums.

Think before you write something in anger. Consider where you might be in agreement and start with those points of agreement. This gives you a more neutral platform to state, respectfully, your reasons for disagreeing.

Maybe when you read or listen without rage you might gain a different perspective of what was communicated. Maybe you will realize no harm or disrespect was meant. Maybe you’ll discover things that may need more research—and not just from one point of view.

When you respond without rage fueling the response, you are more likely to reach an audience who will consider your point of view instead of turning off your reasoning because of the way it was presented. We live in a culture that nourishes anger and hurts and, in doing so, creates circles of hurt and wounded.

How much better to treat one another, especially those with whom we disagree, with respect and learn to think first and respond rationally and without anger.

Romans 12:21 says it best, “Do not be overcome by evil. But overcome evil with good.”

Extending and accepting forgiveness never goes out of style. Who knows where respectful dialogues will lead.

© 2020 Carolyn R Scheidies
Published in Kearney Hub 8/17/20 as “Winning friends with respectful dialogue”
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